If nursery rhymes were set in modern New Zealand

The thing about nursery rhymes is that they're so old and irrelevant. So here are a couple of updated nursery rhymes for New Zealand's modern politically correct society. Just a warning that most of these won't necessarily rhyme.

The Young Woman Who Lived in a Shoe

There was a young woman who lived in a shoe.
She had so many children so she could stay on the DPB;
She gave them some broth without any bread;
Then whipped them all soundly.
Now CYFS took her kids instead.
And she's facing charges of child abuse.

If Jack and Jill was set in New Zealand

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water.
Jack fell down and broke his knee,
And claimed on ACC.
He's also on an invalid's benefit.

Stay tuned for more.