South Auckland version of the Anchor Zero Lacto ad with that annoying kid

If you live in New Zealand then you've probably seen the Anchor Zero Lacto ad with that annoying kid and his overly tolerant mum. Well this is the more realistic South Auckland version that more properly reflects modern New Zealand society.

Boy: Mum?
Mum: Eh wat?
Boy: Y do u drink milk different from us? U retarded?
Mum: Nah it's cos I'm f***** lactose intolerant OK? U got a prob with dat?
Boy: Wats intolerant?
Mum: It's wat I am of ya stupid questions u dumb $#*! Geez get a f***** education eh! Only had u to get da DPB & now dats gon 4 da week.

Nek minnit...
One News: A young boy is currently in a critical condition in the intensive care unit of Middlemore Hospital suffering from what police are calling "non-accidental injuries."

3 News wrong about Green Party's "record-setting night"

Yes I know the election was nearly two months ago and I was going to blog about this much earlier but it's better to be late in pointing out false statements in the media than to let them remain unchallenged. So what did 3 News get so SHOCKINGLY WRONG? Well we all know about TV3's obviously extreme left wing bias (case in point: that liberal douchebag John Campbell) and their infatuation with the Greens. On Election Night they couldn't stop themselves from getting excited over their unprecedented success in capturing the idiot vote.  While it is true that, unfortunately, the Green Party achieved their best ever result  by pretending to be more sensible than they really are, 3 News made the absolutely false statement that it is the first time since the 1996 MMP that a third party has got over 10% of the party vote. I don't pretend to be an expert in extensive research but it didn't take much extensive research for me to quickly find out from the official election results website that the Green Party is NOT the first minor party to have won more than 10% of the party vote. In fact, in the 2002 General Election, New Zealand First won 10.38% of the party vote. Yes, 10.38% not just 10%. Now I know some of you (most of you idiots which is probably why you voted for the Greens) will be like "Wow 10.38%?  That's pretty much close to 10% anyway. Big freakin deal!" But you don't have to be a mathematical genius to figure out that 10.38% IS STILL MORE THAN 10%!!! I'm honestly surprised that nobody else has realised this SIMPLE FACT before but then when has the lamestream media ever cared about facts and objectivity?

Remember the All Blacks - parody of a scene from Remember the Titans

Coach Henry: It's all right. We're in a fight. You boys are doing all that you can do. Anybody can see that. Win or lose... We gonna walk out of Eden Park tonight with our heads held high. Do your best. That's all anybody can ask for.
Richie McCaw: No, it ain't Coach. With all due respect, uh, you demanded more of us. You demanded perfection. Now, I ain't saying that I'm perfect, 'cause I'm not. And I ain't gonna never be. None of us are. But we have won 75% of all our matches and every single game we have played at Eden Park since 1994. So this team is almost perfect and ranked number 1 in the world. We won the World Cup in 1987. And, uh, if it's all the same to you, Coach Henry, we want to win it again.

Why a try is called a try

The Rugby World Cup 2011 is nearly coming to an end as the All Blacks prepare for the ultimate showdown against the unpredictable French. Of course we want the All Blacks to score lots of tries and waste those frogs but, if you're like me, you may ask yourself why a try is called a try when you've succeeded. Shouldn't they be called successes? Actually there's a good reason why they're called tries. When rugby was first invented in England in the 1800s what we call a try didn't actually give you any points. Back then, when you scored a try you just got the opportunity to "try" to kick a goal ie "convert the try" into points. Tries didn't give you any points until 1886 when you got 1 point for a try, 2 points for a conversion, 3 points for a penalty and 3 points from a drop goal. The value of a try increased to 2 points in 1891, 3 points in 1894, 4 points in 1971 then finally 5 points in 1992.

That's The Race You Are - Asian parody of Just The Way You Are by Bruno Mars

Oh, her eyes, her eyes, make dental floss the perfect blindfold
Her hair, her hair, is black (not grey) unless she is old
She wears spectacles
And she studies everyday.
Yeah, I know, I know I can buy some things from her real cheaply
But it's so, it's so sad that they're usually bad quality
And every time I send an item back her way
I say

When I see your grades
There's not a doubt about your race
Cause you're an Asian
That's the race you are.

And when you drive
The whole world's shocked when you can survive
Cause girl you're an Asian
That's the race you are.

Her rice her rice
She can eat it all day when she's hungry
Her lunch her lunch consists of hot dogs and I mean literally
She wears spectacles
And she studies everyday
Oh you know you know you sound like you just got off the plane
Can't understand a word you say.
It's hurting my brain.
So don't bother asking if your English is okay
You know I'll say

When I see your grades
There's not a doubt about your race
Cause you're an Asian
That's the race you are.

And when you drive
The whole world's shocked when you can survive
Cause girl you're an Asian.
That's the race you are.

The race you are
The race you are
Girl you're an Asian.
That's the race you are

When I see your grades
There's not a doubt about your race
Cause you're an Asian
That's the race you are

And when you drive
The whole world's shocked when you can survive
Cause girl you're an Asian
That's the race you are

Jesus Christ - Christian parody of Dynamite by Taio Cruz

I throw my hands up to the Lord sometimes
Saying ayo! Praise his name-o!
I wanna emulate him in my life
Saying ayo! Praise his name-o!

I I I II come to church church church church.
I grab a bible and I search search search search.
I'm looking up my favourite verse verse verse verse.
Sent his son to save the Earth Earth Earth Earth.
You you.
Cause he rules on and on and on
And he rules on and on and on.
Yeah.

I throw my hands up to the Lord sometimes
Saying ayo! Praise his name-o!
I wanna emulate him in my life
Saying ayo! Praise his name-o!

Cause he died on the cross
then came back to life
We gon give it up
All for Jesus Christ.
Cause he warned us once
He won't warn us twice
We gon give it up
All for Jesus Christ

I came to prove prove prove prove
He isn't just the King of Jews Jews Jews Jews.
He is the way, the life and truth truth truth truth.
I'm gonna spread the gospel news news news news.
You you.
Cause he rules on and on and on
And he rules on and on and on
Yeah!

I throw my hands up to the Lord sometimes
Saying ayo! Praise his name-o!
I wanna emulate him in my life.
Saying ayo! Praise his name-o!
Cause he died on the cross
then came back to life.
We gon' give it up
All for Jesus Christ.
Cause he warned us once.
He won't warn us twice.
We gon' give it up
All for Jesus Christ.

I'm gonna take my sins out.
God's gonna judge me while I'm standing.
I'm atoned for all my
Sins that I have still got outstanding.
Cause I I I believe in him
And I I I, I just give him all.
I just give him all.
I'm gonna put my hands close in prayer.
Ha-hands close in prayer.
Put your hands close in prayer-ayer-ayer-ayer-ayer-ayer-ayer-ayer.

I throw my hands up to the Lord sometimes
Saying ayo! Praise his name-o!
I wanna emulate him in my life.
Saying ayo! Praise his name-o!
Cause he died on the cross
Then came back to life.
We gon' give it up
All for Jesus Christ.
Cause he warned us once.
He won't warn us twice.
We gon' give it up
All for Jesus Christ.

Why WikiLeaks is so dangerous

Unless you've been living in a rock or trapped down a mine (no disrespect of course) you would've heard about the founder of WikiLeaks, Julian Assange, releasing all of America's juicy little secrets and thinking he's some saviour of freedom of information. But before you buy into the liberal media's narrative of him being such a hero KEEP READING to find out why his irresponsible childish actions are so dangerous.

Transparency and holding the government to account sound like such noble goals but this must be balanced with the interests of national security. Julian Assange can pretend all he likes that he's just a neutral defender of freedom but the fact is, by releasing secret documents relating to US military operations in Afghanistan and Iraq, he is choosing to help and side with the terrorists. That is plain and simple treason and is evidence that he is motivated by an agenda to give terrorists an advantage in the War on Terror. People may think it'd be interesting to find out all of America's military plans and operations but, as the saying goes, curiosity killed the cat. In this case, because the terrorists will also receive the same information, curiosity will also kill soldiers and innocent civilians. It's ironic that he claims to want to stop the war in Afghanistan when, especially by releasing details of informants, he not only puts soldiers' lives in danger but also the lives of innocent Afghan civilians who only want to experience the freedoms that you and I and everyone else take for granted. Now, because of his irresponsible actions, the Taliban have promised to hunt down and behead informants. Is there anyone who honestly even has the slightest doubt that they will carry out their promise? As a result of the potential threat on their lives, people will be unwilling to divulge information about the Taliban and help the US-led coalition forces in defeating terrorism in Afghanistan. If you think the war in Afghanistan is hard, giving terrorists a leg up has now made the mission for freedom even harder. Julian Assange and others like him need to stop being so naive and think about the consequences of their actions. Actually, scratch that, Julian Assange and other people involved with WikiLeaks know very well the consequences of their actions. They just don't care as long as they can continue to pursue their anti-American agenda. If they're so into openness and transparency then why are they so biased and only target the US and its allies? Why doesn't he release secret documents from Al Qaeda, the Taliban, the Chinese or Russians or whatever? Why doesn't he release secret documents from the Iranian government? I'll tell you why. Because this isn't about transparency and holding governments to account at all. This is about an extreme anti-American terrorist-loving communist activist radical who would like nothing more than to see real freedom destroyed. He and other people like him are not interested in the truth but on spreading anti-American propaganda. If he's so interested in transparency why is he only telling one side of the story? Why is he only focused on giving the terrorists all the information they need to destroy America and its allies including New Zealand? It's time he and his America-hating ilk stop the facade of pacifist neutrality and admit to being the terrorist-supporting traitors that anyone with even a scrap of grey matter can clearly see. WikiLeaks claims to have released information about events that involve what they allege to be the US military killing civilians. Now, I admit I haven't investigated these allegations but WikiLeaks completely takes these events out of context and is only doing this to make the US-led coalition forces look bad thereby helping our enemies in the propaganda war. They don't explain the whole situation or tell both sides of the story. Killing civilians is never a good thing but there is a huge difference between terrorists deliberately murdering innocent civilians and coalition forces accidentally killing civilians (which is always unfortunate but very difficult in a place where terrorists so easily blend in with civilians). Julian Assange never does anything that does not involve hampering the War Against Terrorism. He is a terrorist-appeasing oxygen thief rapist who literally has blood on his hands. His hypocrisy is evident in the fact that he continuously moves place to place like a little shrew instead of manning up and facing the consequences of his actions. Why is he so secretive? He would probably answer that he has a right to privacy. But I thought everything had to to be open and transparent. Why is he allowed to protect his private information but governments aren't allowed to protect information that is vital for their national security? Does he not care? I know many people will probably argue that, if it weren't for WikiLeaks, the American military could do anything it likes. But there must be a balance between freedom of information in order to hold people in power accountable and protecting national security. If you release secret information about your company to competitors you'd be justifiably fired and no amount of crying about freedom of speech will save you. Releasing secret information about your company's plans to competitors harms its competitiveness and could potentially damage it. It's the same thing as releasing information about informants except, in this case, real lives are being threatened because of an egotistical, self-serving, smarmy little liberal communist leftist git who thinks he's a saviour when he's simply an idiot (and that's being nice).