John Key and the genie

John Key is on his way to the Beehive for a cabinet meeting about the global economic crisis when he notices a strange looking wine bottle that somebody randomly left lying around. He picks up the bottle, opens it and out pops a genie. The genie says, "Okay, I've had to go through this several times already and I'm getting a little tired of giving people three wishes. We're in a recession for goodness sake so you only get one wish." John Key thinks of something then says, "Well, earlier this year we had a Jobs Summit to try to come up with ideas to create more jobs for New Zealanders and get the economy going again. One of the ideas, that I liked, was building a national cycleway right across the country. It would boost tourism, create lots of jobs for New Zealanders and of course it's good for the environment." The genie laughs incredulously replying, "Dream on! You really think a national cycleway's gonna fix up this mess? A cycleway is one thing but building one right across the country? I mean, we've got a huge enough deficit as it is. Yeah, it might create a few odd jobs here and there and be good for the environment, but think of the logistics. We have to go through the whole RMA process and endless consultation with local iwi. What if we upset the taniwha? How many houses are you gonna knock down? Plus think of all the concrete and other materials you'll need. Look, it's just an impossible utopian dream. Get real and think of another wish." So John Key spends a few minutes thinking of something else then says, "Okay, National got in last year because people had had enough of nine years of Labour. So we've had a pretty good run for the last few months. But, with all these scandals involving Richard Worth and Melissa Lee, I'm beginning to worry that our honeymoon is over. People are starting to lose trust in us over all kinds of things like the Auckland Supercity, public assets and the Smacking Referendum. I mean I've got this reputation for being slippery like an eel. People think I'm just playing the nice guy routine so we can push our radical right wing agenda. How can I regain the trust of the New Zealand people so they don't think I've always got a secret agenda? I wish the New Zealand people would trust me to lead this country out of the recession and not suspect we've always got something up our sleeves." The genie is silent for a while before replying, "So, about this cycleway..."

Random Jokes

1. What's the difference between the IRA and the IRD?
One is the Irish Republican Army. The other is a terrorist organisation.


2. What's the difference between Keith Locke and Kim Jong Il?
One is a neurotic communist maniac who's a threat to national security. The other is the President of North Korea.

3. What's the difference between Keith Locke and Mahmoud Ahmadinejad?
One is a Jew-hating, Israel-bashing threat to national security. The other is the President of Iran.

4. What's the difference between Barack Obama and Hugo Chavez?
One is a nationalising, high taxing, socialist egomaniacal dictator. The other is the President of Venezuela.

5. What's the difference between voting for Melissa Lee and buying a Lotto ticket?
You have a chance of winning Lotto.