Twilight kills people - most likely with boredom

What do Twilight and that video from The Ring have in common? They both kill people. So if you're thinking about watching the new Twilight movie and you want to stay alive then you must read this PUBLIC HEALTH WARNING: This DANGEROUS MOVIE could KILL YOU WITH BOREDOM.

An unfortunate 23-year-old man in Wellington, New Zealand suffered the deadly consequences of not having this warning the hard way. It's no secret that you'll fall asleep from boredom but this guy who was watching Twilight: Eclipse at the Reading Cinema complex on Courtenay Place won't be waking up any time soon. A security guard found his dead body sitting in his seat after the 6pm screening on Sunday 4 July after being alerted by a cleaner who thought he was asleep (because obviously if he was alive he wouldn't be awake). Police say the death is not suspicious but remains a mystery. I say the cause of death is obvious: this guy was bored to death. He was found alone so we can rule out the possiblity of a girlfriend forcing him to watch it. This means he must've voluntarily put himself through this agony. Maybe he was a masochist and thought he could survive and wake up from the torturous boredom or maybe he was suicidal and deliberately killed himself with the boredom - I don't know. And I don't know the exact time of death. I just hope that if it was suicide that his death occured as quickly as possible while watching the movie because the later it occured the more painful it must've been. I'm not advocating suicide here but if you want a quick and painless way to top yourself then watching Twilight would be an agonizing way to do it. You might say that you can survive Twilight. Well you can survive Russian roulette too but that doesn't make it any less dangerous and at least Russian roulette would kill you faster and less painfully. To paraphrase an old saying: Twilight might not kill you but why take the chance? Take this as a serious warning. I'm not exaggerating when I say that if you watch Twilight you'll probably be quite literally bored to death.